Thursday, May 24, 2012


So, May 20th was the big day. That's the day I put myself back on the market and I wanted to do it in a big way. I've been excited about dating again. Meet new people, get some new stories, maybe (and don't get too excited, Mom) get a nice boyfriend. So, I opened up an account on OkCupid again. If my experience is similar to other girls, then it's true what they say about dating being easier for us than it is for boys. All you have to do is use normal-looking pictures, and some guy, somewhere will express interest.

Tonight, I met up with a guy who tempted me with tickets to a play. He didn't have a photo up or any information filled out on his profile but he boldly messaged me asking to meet up in a public place, and there's a part of me--probably the part that watched too much television as a kid--that believes boldness should be rewarded.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been. We had some things in common and he was actually really cute, but he reminded me of one of the reasons I'm more comfortable in bulky winter clothes than summer fare. I have never EVER had anyone stare at my boobs so unapologetically for so long. He made more eye contact with my breasts than with me. At LEAST 50% of the time he was enraptured by whatever sweet nothings my tits were promising him, while I remained up top attempting to answer questions he didn't really care about. I normally don't get upset about guys looking at them. It happens, and I know they're not small and guys are very visual, and usually it's just a glance, but this guy was beyond rude about it. I wonder what other things he stares at inappropriately. Burn victims? The disabled? Maybe my boobs were distracting to him, but his staring at them was so bad that it was distracting me. He was the sweater-puppy whisperer, fluent in areola and he shared some bond with them that even I couldn't conceive. I thought that if I continued to make eye-contact he would realize that I was paying attention to his eyes and where they were going and he would try to be more conscious not to objectify me so blatantly. Nope. Apparently he isn't well-versed in the secret language of a subtle hint.

And I know he wasn't listening either because he asked every question at least 3 times during the 2 hour conversation. Sometimes he was like, "oh my bad, I asked that before," but for the most part he didn't seem to notice that his question had already been answered. He also kept touching. He'd splay himself across the table and accidentally brush my arm or leg a whole hell of a lot. I asked him why he was so touchy-feely and told him that I wasn't comfortable touching someone I just met. I used those exact words, "I'm not comfortable being touchy-feely with someone I just met." And he did that thing that guys do sometimes: "Oh, why is that weird? You're weird for thinking it's weird.". It's similar to the attempted manipulation that I face at the group home. The clients try to justify and normalize their behaviors to themselves and others to avoid guilt and punishment.

That douche-bag underestimated me.

He opened the door in the most awkward way too. It's difficult to explain, but the way he did it, he stayed in the doorway while he was holding it open and I had to brush either my boobs or my butt up against him a little.

So, after talking for a little while, he asked if I wanted to get something to eat and I said yes. Was it crazy to assume that we'd eat something at the food court we were meeting at? He wanted to go to his favorite Chinese place just up the street in his car. I said I wanted to take separate cars. He kept pressuring me to go in his car and I was like, "no let's take separate. I don't know you and I'm going to want to leave straight from the restaurant anyway." We finally decided to go to Chili's (which was literally across the parking lot) in my car. (If we were watching this in a movie right now, you'd be thinking: FORESHADOWING)

We ate, talked about politics, religion and a little feminism. He brought it up, but I can't remember why. All I remember was that at some point he said, "...but you have to admit, girls are way more emotional than boys." I said, "No, I don't." He tried to explain that boys make decisions based on logic and girls make decisions more based on feelings...blah blah blah. After a few minutes of me explaining what a difference socialization makes he conceded. Jessi FTW!!!

After dinner I drove him back to his car. He told me to park so we could hash out plans to see the play. I was a little annoyed at that because it was past 9 and I'd already told him that's what time I needed to go so I could get to work. The play was on a different week than he thought it was before so he wanted to hang out before then again. I didn't. After another conversation where he tried to pressure me into making more plans with him I finally said I have to go and we can't talk about it later. He leaned over to give me a hug goodbye and right as he got to my face he turned his head and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and said, "Nope, that's too much. I need to go." He got out of the car, I drove home. I called him when I got there and left a matter-of-fact message saying I wasn't going to go to the play with him and I didn't want to see him in the future.

He called me as I was leaving for work. He was freaking out. "What?! What happened?! I don't understand! I thought you gave people the benefit of the doubt! I thought you gave people second chances!" I was calm and explained what he'd been doing wrong all night. He hung up on me. So much for his macho, logical man-brain.

I feel bad for boys. It's difficult to date anyway, but there are horrible guys like this that ruin it for the good ones. I would be pretty dumb if I didn't learn something from it though. So, a new rule is born: No riding in cars with boys until I feel like it. End of story. If the guy doesn't like it, it might be because he wants to rape-kiss me (or worse) later.